Move the F on now.

Is Ironic that we strive to become something, good job, good relationships etc..   and then things may start to crumble some people retreat., become withdrawn.. unsocial, depressed sometimes… isolated.   Myself included.  I guess we do this because its easier, rather then deal with the troubled part of life that facing us at that time.  Its like a shield we use to help gather our strength, if any to gather.  For me however, its takes me like forever to recover.  I remember when I would have casual or serious relationships, friends and guys relationships takes me like forever to recover. Its like my brain has trouble dealing.  ( its odd as a side note because when I was younger, at my beach house after a heavy night of drinking I was always the one that took the entire day to recover )  ok.. moving on with my thought.  It could be the simplest, most stupid of a relationship.  I cant just love and lose that relationship and move on.  It takes me weeks to mull over what I did, what I can do better,.etc. As if I am giving myself a performance evaluation.  wtf ?  This is why I cannot, or I correct myself, I CAN have one night stands, I just don’t because I find some part of myself attaching myself to this person, Relating to or wanting to relate.  I have not had many, but you can be damn sure that I remember pretty much of every detail of the few I’ve had.   and then  I wonder why it never became anymore ?? Ponder over every conversation, Getting upset, no rather pissed that he never called. and why ?   I am recalling one as I type, and damn that pisses me of off.   But you see I never go into a ‘interaction’ thinking that its just that. A one night stand.  A ‘hook up’.   Guys suck because they already know, therefore the ‘hook up’ is much more enjoyable to them. the before and after.  Pricks. Is there a class I can take to learn the art of having one night stands.  If there was, my sex life would be more exciting.  That’s a ‘work on’   and  improvement to achieve on my next evaluation.  To be continued with that,  For now I just will continue to retreat. Until at least my heart is stronger and I have a shield to protect it.


~ by generalslc on August 21, 2013.

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