I wanna know

When I see you next I wanna act natural.  I don’t want gush, or awkwardly stare at you. When I see you next I hope that you are as excited to see me.  It’s been a few weeks, so I kind of hoping for that flutter again that I felt when I first started talking to you.  I want to maybe not have drank too much (I am assuming it will be at the same dive bar where everyone I know goes to unravel) because I wanna feel the niceness that one usually can only get while sober.  I wanna remember it.  I want you to be able to see me, and how cool and fun I can be. Sober. Or somewhat sober. Without the thirst that I usually have, drinking, show. Oh look, I’m buzzed.  I wanna maybe have YOU think that you could possibly wanna hang out again. Maybe initiate an interaction.  Not in the girlfriend sense, I don’t want that and I know you don’t as well. But just 2 people that have spent time with enjoying more time with each other.  I really wanna know.. If you have thoughts about me.. as much as I do. I wanna know if you are just hanging to pass the time. And that’s ok.. But I wanna know that up front, so I can adjust my thought process, subdue my feelings and emotions that I usually have. So I  can suppress what I really would like,  just  to accommodate what it is that you want and alway get from me. The casual sex.  I wanna know that up front,  cause just like most hormonal  emotional chic’s I can get way lost and to deep, conversations get misinterpreted, your every action is analyzed if I don’t know.   Because I can you know.    It’s a skill that I’ve acquired.  to subdue, suppress the ‘me’ that I so desperately want you to see,= I’m not proud of it, but its these life situations, you got to have a work around if it isn’t actually turning out like I wanted.  I want to know because If I didn’t I would get miserable. I probably never get laid again. I would probably never have closeness if I didn’t have a work around with any   interactions just in general, but mostly to accommodate you. Now  I wanna know, when you see me next what it is you want from me.   thinking…thinking done.  That didn’t take long.   Oh look, its last call.  Your place or mine tonight. 

 

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~ by generalslc on February 5, 2013.

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